How to Make Difficult Decisions

“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.”

— Theodore Roosevelt

Image courtesy of Lighstock.com.

When I was younger, making decisions was very easy for me. I would go into a restaurant and pick the first thing that appealed to me on the menu, then close it before I got distracted by something else. I would choose the first thing in my closet that felt right (made easier by curating a wardrobe that was generally made of interchangeable pieces). Or I would change the entire course of my life on a decision made in a moment.

Buying a car, for instance. Or whether to go to college, and for what. Becoming friends with someone. My husband and I even adopted our youngest son with less than a week’s pondering (though, to be fair, we’d had adoption on the table generally for many years).

This isn’t to say that I was fickle. Once a decision had been made, I would stay the course. I was all in, sometimes for far too long and to my own detriment. I had lessons to learn about the difference between giving up and choosing a better path.

Perhaps that’s why, as I’ve aged, I’ve become much more cautious in how I approach the decision-making process, especially for those bigger life-altering moments—and sometimes even for smaller ones. But definitely when it comes to my career.

Some of this is because I’ve gained wisdom from my past mistakes. Some of it is because of the greater prevalence of the ADHD symptoms I’ve been experiencing during perimenopause that make it difficult to prioritize. But, to be honest, some of it is fear—a fear I used to ignore. Fear that I’ll make the wrong decision and that I won’t have the resources to survive it or recover from it.

And decisions have become especially difficult when there is no clear winner—when there are good reasons in both the pros and cons columns, usually addressing completely different aspects of the issue at hand. Like the potentially career-altering decision I’m facing right now.

Decision Frameworks are a Thing

I recently edited a book for a client that presents an original decision-making framework. As part of the thesis, the author also discussed many other existing frameworks, most of which are used in corporate or organizational contexts.

Having never gone to school for business analysis or been in a decision-making role on a large team, the idea that there might be any decision-making frameworks available was new to me. But then I realized I’d actually heard of a few already, such as the four-quadrant Eisenhower method for prioritizing the most urgent and necessary tasks to be accomplished.

I’ve heard some leaders in the author space (Bryan Cohen is one that comes to mind) discuss a modified method of this framework for indie authors. Instead of measuring how urgent and necessary something is, they rename the quadrants to how enjoyable and important it is as a framework for deciding which tasks one should keep doing themselves, and which to hand off to hired help. (I think this assumes you’ve already done the traditional method and decided these tasks are all necessary for some reason or other.)

Even the old standby of a Pros and Cons list is a decision-making framework (which I just learned was invented by Benjamin Franklin). It just doesn’t always shed as much light on the subject as we need.

There are plenty of other decision-making frameworks available to use. And the hardest decision can be deciding which one to use! (Kidding! Kind of.)

What Else Can We Use?

As it so happens, the decision I’m wrestling with right now is a decision of conflicting priorities, and the struggle is in figuring out which factors hold the most weight.

Rather than trying to decide which task or project would make me the most productive (as would be measured by the Eisenhower matrix), I’m trying to decide on which option aligns most closely with my values and would lead to the most personal satisfaction and long-term financial stability. So I wondered: are there any decision frameworks that could help me in making this decision?

As it turns out, there are! Here are a few I came across.

Weighted Decision Matrix (Pugh method)

This can be used when the factors that influence your decision are tied to different priorities. (Here’s a Wikipedia article about the Decision Matrix.)

How to use it:

• List all the key factors or criteria influencing your decision along one axis. These are the values and priorities guiding your choice. Assign a weight (importance level) to each factor (e.g., 1 to 10). (Higher numbers indicate greater importance.)

• List the options you’re considering on the other axis. These are the specific parts of the decision that will impact those values. Rate each option on how well it meets each factor (e.g., 1 to 10).

• Multiply the ratings by their weights and add up the totals. The option with the highest score may be the best choice.

Example: If you’re trying to decide whether it’s a good idea to change jobs, but the decision has competing factors (e.g., it would be a huge pay raise, but it would require you to uproot your family and move to a completely different country), you would weight the importance of factors such as financial stability, future opportunities, work-life balance, salary, commute time, benefits, relocation requirements, and family stability along one axis of the grid, then list the options of your decision (current job vs. new job) on the other axis and rate them based on the criteria you’re evaluating. Then you would multiple the rating by the weight for each option and add them up to get a final tally.

The Regret Test

This theory helps when you’re worried about long-term consequences by figuring out which option you would regret less.

Ask yourself:

• If I do this and later regret it, what’s the likely reason?

• If I don’t do this and later regret it, what’s the likely reason?

• Which regret would feel worse?

In addition, in the context it is presented by “distractions expert” and tech industry consultant Nir Eyal, ask these questions to help avoid unintended consequences for your clients. (I’ve paraphrased a little here.)

• If the people affected by this decision knew what I know right now about the potential impact of each choice, would they be glad I made it?

• Would I regret the impact of either choice on the people I serve?

• Which regret would feel worse?

I actually already use an inverted form of this test when I’m trying to decide which of my hundreds of tasks I need to prioritize as most important in the day. Instead of testing regret, though, I usually test for satisfaction.

At the beginning of the day, I write down the top three “win tasks” of the day—the things that, if that’s all I do, I’ll feel the most satisfaction having completed them.

However, if this doesn’t give me an immediate answer, I’ll then ask which task I’ll regret most not having completed at the end of the day, which usually does the trick. (Great tip for the ADHD-ers among us, by the way.)

The 10-10-10 Rule by Suzy Welch

An all-purpose guide to “snappy decision-making” created by Suzy Welch, this framework helps you step outside of short-term emotions to evaluate longer-term consequences.

Ask yourself:

• How will I feel about this choice in 10 minutes?

• How will I feel about it in 10 months?

• How will I feel about it in 10 years?

Time to Decide

There are, as it turns out, quite a few decision-making frameworks I might employ to help in my particular use case, but I like the potential of these three. I’m going to go do some more thinking, including some “decision math.” And it’s good to know I’ve got a few more tools in my toolkit to help the next time indecision strikes.

Which decision-making methods have you found most useful when you’re brain is in a logjam? How do you break free and get moving again? Please let me know in the comments!

“Don’t let the expectations and opinions of other people affect your decisions. It’s your life, not theirs. Do what matters most to you; do what makes you feel alive and happy. Don’t let the expectations and ideas of others limit who you are. If you let others tell you who you are, you are living their reality — not yours. There is more to life than pleasing people. There is much more to life than following others’ prescribed path. There is so much more to life than what you experience right now. You need to decide who you are for yourself. Become a whole being. Adventure.”

— Roy T. Bennett

---

Like what you read? Sign up for my Books & Inspiration newsletter for more like this!