If you had told me yesterday that today I would be spending more on a vacuum cleaner than the combined value of my first three cars, I would have laughed at you and warded you off like you were a crazy person.

Then today, I would have had to eat my foot.

If you had told me the same, even when Jesse, the shy vacuum salesmen rang our doorbell this morning, offering a free carpet cleaning, I would still have looked at you like you were a little daft in the head.

Yet, here I am, the proud new owner of one of the finest vacuum cleaners known to man: the Kirby. (For some reason, they don't have a picture of one on their website, and it's too dark in my house right now to get a good shot.) That's right, today we traded in our Firebird for a Porsche--not only does it look sleek, it has the horsepower to back it up! No longer will vacuuming be my nemesis! No. Instead, I will be seeking out opportunities to vacuum! I'll be vacuuming that carpet under the dining room table after every meal! I'll be shampooing the rugs every other week! I'll be...

Okay. Realistically, that's not likely to happen. But gone are the days when my cool-looking-but-totally-useless Dirt Devil and I would traverse the house together, me having to give it CPR, empty it and brush out the filter ( "Come on, little guy, you can make it!"), creating a bigger cloud of dust to settle around the garbage can than when I started, after every single room. And get this--they took the DD on trade!! For more than we paid for it! I never knew I could trade in my old vacuum. I wonder if I could talk Dell into taking my old computer back when I want a new one?

So, why the total switch in attitude? Well, although I know the Dirt Devil has not inspired me to be the most faithful vacuumess ever, that had absolutely nothing to do with the piles and piles and piles of dirt, hair, junk, and grime that came out of--nay, from underneath--our living room carpet today.

And don't even get me started on the gook that came out of Jude's mattress.

Plus! We can use it as an air-gun to paint our fence this summer! (I'm serious!)

So. If I don't post tomorrow, it's because I'm happily (and sadistically) vacuuming the dust mites and their by-products from every mattress in our house.

Happy Monday, friends! What did you do this weekend?