My stomach falls and hits the floor of the pirate-boat, and my knuckles grip a little tighter on the safety bar. Up, up, up, backwards...so we can't see how close the proximity of the Fun Park's ceiling is. The vertigo looking downward to the floor is enough.

Of course we are on the end, because that is where you experience the full effect. Each swing of the pendulum takes us higher, higher, and my stomach is now jostling around for position with the other organs in my abdomen. My heart jumped out of my throat long ago, so there is some extra room, now...

Down through another stroke, picking up speed as we go, rising up the other side--higher every time. Inertia slows, until we hang there, seemingly suspended in air at the peak of the stroke, then we are plunging back down, in free-fall. My knuckles get whiter.

No control. I volunteered for this? Each time the swing slows down and stops, it simply means that we are about to plunge back to the depths again, only faster, with less chance to wave at the smiling faces of friends or parents waiting by the "Exit" gate. Only to go higher and do it again. Once on this ride, there is no turning back--no way to deviate from the path before me. Up, up, up, backwards...down, down, down forwards... Only to finally, finally swing completely upside-down and hang there...for eternity...

My illusions are stripped away--again. I volunteered? Maybe... I was called? Maybe...

When Lazarus heard the voice of Jesus calling him out of the tomb, did he have a choice about whether or not to answer? Maybe...

Somehow, I think not.