It’s easy to post when I’m feeling good. But on days like today, when I feel as though there’s a weight on my chest that may never leave, it’s harder.

It feels a lot like depression. In fact, that’s what I’ve been thinking it was for the last several months, because I was also burned out and depressed.

But the depression is lifting. And this feeling came back, right on schedule.

I know that’s a weird thing to say. But about a month ago, I figured out what this general feeling of the blahs is—premenstrual syndrome. I used to get it for three days. It has now extended to two weeks.

In fact, not just premenstrual syndrome—though I haven’t confirmed this with a doctor yet, I’m pretty sure what I’ve been experiencing qualifies as Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder, or PMDD.

I was in the depths of one of these weeks when I saw someone talk about this on TikTok. So I went and looked it up, and holy cow. Of the long list of symptoms on the Hopkins Medical site, I’ve experienced most of them. Regularly. For most months of the last several years.

Yes, I need to see a doctor to confirm this is the issue. In fact, I just put on my list to make an appointment with my naturopath on Monday—since the resolution to this won’t be drugs, but rather supporting my body and getting back in balance. (Even the John Hopkins site says that’s basically the “treatment”.)

In fact, this realization has been a big part of the motivation to start making the lifestyle changes I’ve been blogging about.

Speaking of which…

How this week’s Slow Productivity went

I’m going to be honest: I fell off the wagon a bit this week. (By fall off the wagon, I mean, of course, that I worked more than I planned to or probably should have.)

I did have a couple successes: I got up an hour earlier every day but one, and I even managed to take a couple of naps (which wasn’t hard, because I felt jet-lagged from that hour time difference for several days).

I had planned to exercise every day, as well. Which didn’t happen a single time after Monday, which was a holiday.

And, on Tuesday, I started a project with the website update that consumed me for several days with the same ferocity that jigsaw puzzles do. That is to say, I couldn’t stop working on it until it was done.

Tuesday was the worst day for Slow Productivity. I was up until one a.m. working on my website, despite that early rising I was planning to have the next morning. (Wednesday was the only day I didn’t get up by six. I slept in for forty-five minutes.)

However, the rest of the week went better. And also? My book pages are so beautiful and simple to use now. The plugins I installed and put on those pages this week solved a pain point I’ve had with selling books directly on my website for years—how to have a simple, beautiful, easy-to-navigate book landing page with easy access to purchase all the formats available. Keywords: simple and easy to navigate. And now I have them. (Thank you, developers of the Squarespace plugins I found.)

Besides making a great deal of headway on the website update this week, I also managed to update one of my patterns: Mermaids & Dragons. That means I’m nearly halfway done my main project for the year for my knitting business, which is to update my website and all my knitting patterns to make sure they are better formatted for ease of use, are branded the same, and, most importantly, are screen reader accessible so low-vision knitters can use them.

I say “nearly halfway,” but I think it may be more. I finished with all but one section of my website knitting pages early in 2022. I’ve updated eight patterns now. Of the patterns I have left, some of them haven’t sold in years, so I’m thinking of retiring them. Some of them are good designs, but I need to work on the marketing package (photos and samples and yarn choice, specifically) so they look more appealing. But some of them just don’t have much appeal as a purchased pattern because they’re just too simple and people can figure it out themselves. So I think I’ll either retire them or make them newsletter bonuses or something.

Also, I have several designs waiting to be published, and I really want to finish at least some of those up this winter.

This is the tough part about being a multi-passionate entrepreneur: I have several aspects of my business, all of which I love doing, but there’s only one of me. Whatever I’m focusing on moves forward. The other languishes and I feel guilty for letting it.

At some point, I’ll be able to hire help. But I’m not at that point right now.

Anyway, I hear a book calling my name, so I’m going to leave this post with one final note: I found out yesterday that my grandmother is probably on her last few days of life. She will be turning ninety-four in October, or she would if she makes it that long, which doesn’t seem likely. While her passing will be a blessing for her in a way, as dementia has meant she hasn’t had much of a life the last few years, I and my mom’s family are still sad, and that certainly doesn’t help the heaviness I’m feeling. So, if you think to pray for us and for her, please do.

I’ve been at way more deathbeds (and sickbeds) than I’d like in the last few years, and I have to say, I’m not sure if anyone ever dies completely peacefully. But I pray Grandma has as much peace as possible as she goes home to Jesus.